Poptarts and Textbooks
by FHT3rdandCo
Summary: A series of K2 drabbles.
1. Denial

_((A/N:So we made a K2 drabble fic. It was only a matter of time really. This first ones by Burbs.  
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_Disclaimer: Ownership goes to those creepy dudes that talk at the beginning of episodes on the dvds... I'm sure Scratch owns a bit too. Just not me.))  
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><p><strong>Denial<strong>

"_The effects of the Industrial Revolution included the growth…."_

I tried desperately not to look at him. It was a difficult urge to resist as he was seated right next to me. I didn't want to acknowledge it, to acknowledge this aching in my chest, to acknowledge those butterflies in my stomach, to acknowledge the crimson shade of my cheeks.

I would not let Kenny win.

"…_Poor working conditions existed for factory workers: factories were dirty and dangerous…"_

Not that Kenny would even know that he'd be winning anything, I would never _ever_ tell him even if I did lose it to him. I think I would die from embarrassment first.

"…_families lived in crowded "tenements", or apartments, which were unsanitary and often burned down in fires. Urbanization — or the development and movement of people to cities — increased so rapidly…"_

Besides, it's not like Kenny would even return it. He'd win, no, steal it over and throw it away without even knowing he had it. He'd trample all over it and walk away. No way was I letting that happen.

So just I just won't look at him. I won't become conscious of '_it_', I'll ignore it. It'd not happen at all, I'm not losing to Kenny, I'm not getting caught in those blue eyes, I'm not obsessed with how soft his blonde hair looks, I'm not yearning for him to lose the hoodie just so I can ogle his beau—

"Kyle!"

"Huh?" I snapped out of my stupor and looked to my right in surprise.

'_Fuck.'_ And there I was, looking at Kenny motherfucking McCormick. Blue eyes dancing with amusement because of my inattention, a small grin plastered on his face as he tired to stop from laughing, and six fucking inches away from my face.

"I said, 'Kyle, let's pair up for the group work.'" He laughed softly at me.

"What group work?" I could only blink dumbly.

"Um, you know the one he assigned to us two minutes ago." Goddamnit, why was he so fucking… dazzling?

…crap.

"Um, yeah… about what?"

He proceeded to look at me like I'd grown a second hand, biting the inside of mouth and looked at me with a slight frown, lips pressed into a thin line, "Who are you and what have you done with Kyle? There's no _way_ the Kyle I know would not pay attention during class." His frown broke into a grin and— Oh god, why can't I stop looking at his lips?

"Um…" God, why the fuck can't I talk properly, "I was…" And for the love of Moses, how do you even respond to something like that? "…kinda spacing out for a minute." was my lame finish.

He smiled, patted my hat affectionately and with a chuckle, "Ahhh, at last I'm the straight-laced student while Mr. Smartypants here is a flake. Dreams _do _come true." He sighed dramatically as he wiped away a pretend tear from his intoxicating features.

Did I just think that?

I raised my eyebrows masking my inner turmoil, gave him a small shake of the head and we got to work. We finished the assignment in good time, chatted a bit before the bell rang, and separated in the hall.

I stood there motionless after he turned the corner.

"God fucking damnit…"

I had lost my heart to Kenny McCormick.

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><p><em>((Ending Notes: Whoo-hoo! Likey? Hate? Flame thrower? Gouging out eyes? Cooing with appreciation? I need feedback peeps<em>

_-a very needy Muse))_


	2. Romance

**Romance Sucks**

That Monday had been officially labeled 'Romance Sucks Day' by the occupants of the table who were currently intent on ripping on their significant others until there was nothing left to rip on… and then proceed to rip on them some more, just 'cause.

There hadn't been anything wrong with that particular Monday. It was normal, if not uneventful, and relatively nice so far as days go. Kyle supposed it all started when Stan came over to the flat he shared with Kenny.

"Romance sucks." Were all that had really _needed_ to be said and all of a sudden his abode had become a gathering of many of his friends each feeling a certain amount of frustration at the world in general.

Token had come to get some paperwork he'd left over on his last visit and joined in the conversation the second he realized what they were complaining about, the recent loops he'd jumped through with Rebecca weighing heavily on his mind, the socially inept girl could be very frustrating. The next to arrive was Tweek and his complaints about getting teased by Christophe. Cartman, of course, invited himself in at some point(Kyle really didn't want to think about how) and used any opportunity he got to rip on 'that hippie bitch'. Finally Bebe(being an honorary dude because she's just cool like that) came and immediately started bitching about Pip.

Being the only single guy there wasn't as awkward as Kyle might have thought, while he may not be in a relationship he had enough empathy and information to relate and bitch about said love ones with the others.

"Butter's is a real jerk you know! All I said was I wanted some shelves and he starts in on 'well you listen here, we don't have enough space for a—a storage and we gosh darn don't need them either'!" Stan's imitation elicited some laughter but mostly understanding groans, "He thinks he can control my life! You know when he asked what I'd do if he died he got all pissed off at my response!"

Token raised a careful brow, "What did you say?"

"I said I'd get over it! I mean, yeah, I'd be crushed and hurt and all that but I'd start worrying about how to pay the rent and things like that! I'd have to figure out how to pay for school and food. It's like he wants me to be completely dependant on him and thereby unable to handle the loss."

Jeers of agreement went through them, Butter's had been slowly convincing Stan to let him handle all the finances and put Stan through school and while Stan truly appreciated this at some point Stan really wanted to be independent. That and Butter's was starting to play power games.

Just Cartman was about to make a pick at Stan for a letting himself be put into that situation and thereby being a pussy (Kyle could see the comment long before it escaped), Kyle's reclusive roommate stumbled out of the back room, rushed through the kitchen and then stumbled out to the toilet.

"GAH—W-what wrong with him?"

Bebe shrugged, "Probably on his man period."

Before the sniggers could completely circle the table Kenny slammed open the bathroom and marched to the table. Looking possibly more exhausted than the last time Kyle had helped him with an essay, Kenny slammed his hands on the table.

"What the most romantic thing ever?" Kenny demanded, eyes searching each person.

Stan answered immediately, "Storage space." He huffed.

Kenny's eyes drifted to Bebe and she shrugged, "Candles?"

Cartman piped in without being asked, "Surprises. Chicks love surprises."

Moving on to question Token, the other boy thought for a moment, "Flower petals are kinda cool, one time Rebecca had the entire place decked out in flower petals with candles and she was wearing—" Token stopped himself when he realized Kenny was no longer paying attention to him.

"GYAH! Too much pressure!" Tweek fidgeted under the blonds gaze, "Ho-home cooked meal?"

Finally Kenny's eyes rested on Kyle and Kyle had to put some serious thought into it.

"Daisies." He finally said, sounding satisfied.

Kenny showed no acknowledgement of their suggestions other than stumbling back into the room from whence he came with a vengeance.

They blinked, for just a moment curious as to what the hell Kenny was up to back there, but after deciding they probably didn't want to know they immediately continued their talk.

It was two hours later before they heard heads or tails of Kenny and none of them really paid attention to that, too engrossed in their anti-love interest meeting. When Kenny was finally seen again he wasn't stumbling but rather walking with great intent towards them.

"Kenn—wha—" Kyle didn't have time to reply before he was pulled to his feet and they began the trek to Kenny's room, the others following behind with mild interest, but mostly sugar high from high amounts of sweets they had ingested. It had been Cartman's suggestion to begin baking and had resulted in many of them covered in flower and everyone surrounded by cupcakes and waffles.

All thoughts of sugar died when Kenny opened the door though.

The room was covered in storage units, candles, flower petals, and on the bed was what looked like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Kyle stared, not quite sure what to think until he heard some mild crumpling behind his back and Kenny then proceeded to drop daisy petals on his head.

Before any of the other occupants could comment, Kenny turned, grinned devilishly for the crowd and closed the door with both himself and Kyle locked inside.

Stan, at a loss for words, could only really manage a weak, "Romance sucks…"

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><p><em>((Ending Notes: Betcha Kyle won't be the only single one for long~<br>_

_Didn't quite come out the way I wanted x3; oh well. I still like it._

_For those wondering Rebecca is the homeschooled girl. Don't know why I did PipxBebe just thought it might be cute x3. Sort of wishing I'd put Stolovan in here though… hapy I put Candy and Stutters in there though! I should write moar of them. Also TweekxMole equals win, don't ask why xD  
><em>

_-a hyperactive Muse.))_


	3. Seduction

_((Warning: a hella lot of swearing.))_

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><p><strong>Seduction<strong>

His hand was on my _thigh_.

Shit, fuck, goddamn, unclefucker, piece of shit, assfuck, crapface, shit, shit, shit, holy crap, oh my god.

I can't fucking think straight. My head is reeling when I turn to him, my forehead damp with perspiration. His hand was on my thigh, oh my god; he was touching me, holy fucking shit.

His green eyes danced as a small smirk played on his fucking gorgeous lips and goddammit. He was saying something but I couldn't hear a word of it. It was too fucking overwhelming how he tucked his brilliant red hair under his hat and how he kept on leaning _closer_. I wanted to rip that hat off and kiss those locks, and holy crap, he was now _leaning _over me.

Goddammit mind! Get the fuck out the gutter! This is Kyle you're thinking of! Not some random chick with boobs. You can't be thinking like this about him, he's one of your best fucking friends, except not the type of friends you fuck of course I mean, because I would never want to—oh god now both of his hands are on my thighs. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

For once in your life man, _don't_ think about sex. This is Kyle! Calm down, just because you've been crushing on him for the past _three_ years doesn't mean you can take advantage of sweet, innocent, godholyshitcrapfucking hawt Kyle, nope, nu-uh, because if you did, your friendship would be ruined and then you wouldn't be able to hang out with the beautiful red-head anymore.

Not hanging out meaning no going over to his house for study sessions anymore, or videogame night on Thursdays. Plus being outcast from the gang of friends because I raped Kyle would fucking suck ass. I mean sure, I'd probably get a high-five from Cartman for making Kyle cry, but I don't really _want_ to make him cry. Neither do I want to rape him. Consensual sex would be _way_ better thank you very much.

But that's not the point because I am most definitely _not _having sex with Kyle. Nu-uh, no way.

Because I was totally not getting turned on being trapped between the wall and his bed by a very seductive looking Kyle. The warm yellow glow of his room outlining his features stunningly, his lips shining from the residue saliva from when he licked his lips a few seconds ago.

Because Kenny McCormick is not a total gutter-mind.

Because I don't have the hots for my best friend.

"You're bright red, Ken." He laughed, _laughed._Oh crap my pants, does he know? Is he making fun of me?

Don't be an idiot. Kyle is one of the nicest people I know(despite sometimes being kinda of an asshole, but he was most likely one of the kindest fucking assholes here… and probably the tightest one too… No, no, I'm _not_ getting into this!), he wouldn't make fun of me.

He'd probably give me a sad smile and say that he didn't like boys or something like that. And then I'd be heart-broken and my life would fall into a hopeless pit of despair.

Crap, crap, crap, he's waiting for a response.

"I umm, your…. Um… " I stumble over my words. What am I supposed to say? 'I'm trying desperately not to be seduced by your unknowing sexiness'? I think that would kinda screw me over up the ass.

Not that I would mind getting ass-fucked by him… God fucking dammit! Get out of the gutter!

He laughed a really fucking adorable laugh as he leaned in a bit closer, "My what?" Fuck, his voice was all husky and way too sexy.

I think I might die of a heart-attack.

…actually that's not such a bad idea. I die, wake up tomorrow morning, Kyle doesn't remember this awkward situation and I don't end up raping him.

Yep, best idea I've heard all day. I think I'll start by suffocating myself.

Oh shit, his lips look really soft.

"You mean the fact that I'm seducing you right now?"

"Yes!" I yelped. In my confusion, it was the only thing that made the slightest bit of sense, even if it did mean that I was practically confessing that yes indeed, he was successfully seducing me.

…fuck, did I really just say yes? God damn fucking piece of shit, I think I just did.

Kyle _grinned_ ear to ear.

"Good."

And then his lips assaulted mine. Wait, aren't _I_ supposed to be doing the seducing? Super pervert Kenny, ring any bells?

What the fuck? Fuck, his lips were just as soft as I thought they were. Crap, he tastes really good. Damn, I really want to kiss him back.

Shit, I'm absolutely petrified. I don't understand the situation at all. I want to kiss Kyle so badly right now, and he's even _kissing_ me _right now_, and if it had been anyone else in the whole world, I probably would've already been making out with them. But this is _Kyle_, and Kyle is real.

Kyle's not anyone of the street, Kyle is special, I don't want to take advantage of Kyle for any reason.

I want Kyle to be consensual, because fucking goddammit, I want Kyle to want me as much as I want him, and believe it or not, not solely in the sexual way.

I really want clarification right now.

He pulled back with a small sort of smile, looking into my eyes shyly. He looked adorable nervous and I really, _really_ wanted to pull him back into a kiss, but instead I just looked at him like he had grown a third head. At least that would give him a clue as to how fucking lost I am right now.

His shy smile faded and was replaced with a sad frown as he backed up. I suddenly really missed the warmth the close proximity had brought. The parts where his hands had been on my thighs felt cold and I really wished he was closer again.

Well, at least now I could breathe again, so much for my suffocation ploy.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what got into me… I…" Kyle started mumbling off as he tore his eyes away from mine to look dejectedly to his right, apparently taking 'you just grew a third head' look as rejection. Oh how wrong he was…

"I—" he cut me off before I could quell his doubts, thoughts of not letting Kyle ever, ever, _ever_ knowing of my affection thrown out the window with the fear of him thinking I _didn't _like _him_.

"No, I'm sorry; I know what got into me!" He yelled helplessly as his shoulders tensed, his fingers digging into his Terrance and Phillip sheets. "I…"

I could only blink at him incredulously. I had no idea what he was getting at.

He turned, his shining green eyes dancing dangerously, an expression somewhere between desperation, fear, excitement, and sheer fiery determination on his face.

"I like you."

I think time stopped for a second. Either that or my brain stopped functioning. Both were highly probable in my opinion.

I think Kyle just broke my brain.

Everything had stopped spinning and it had all finally halted on the clear vision of Kyle. His face was burning red, his eyes were shining, and his eyebrows were scrunched uneasily together. But his mouth was a firm line expressing his utter and complete seriousness. Kyle really meant it.

Kyle took a breath, closed his eyes, glanced at his hand, and then he looked straight at me again, piercing me with his expression.

"I love you."

With this he broke into one of the most beautiful, adorable, captivating smiles I've ever seen.

I think I'm gaping like a fish.

I think I might count to five, when I finish everything might start making sense.

One. Huh? What? How? Why? When? What? I don't get it. He what's me? Did my suffocation ploy work and now I'm dreaming? If I was dreaming I wouldn't be as confused and simply be fucking the brains out of Kyle, because well, that's how dreams work.

Two. Maybe I misheard him, I mean he could have said "I haven't a clue." or "See you in Peru." or "Analytical review." or hell, even "Big league chew." I mean all of those could have been plausible things to say instead of something stupid like "I like you" after he kissed me.

Doesn't quite explain the "I love you" though.

Three. Wait. Kyle likes me? Like how I like him? Like how much I want him right now? Then he was seducing me to make me like him?

Four. Kyle likes me? Really? Kyle likes me? I look into his eyes one last time. I look at that determined smile. He's being completely serious.

Five. Kyle likes me.

I jumped the hot daywalker with as much force talking him down unto his bed, straddling his hips. And without any time to spare I was kissing him.

"I love you more than porn Kyle."

God fucking yes.

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><p><em>((Ending Notes: x3; excessive swearing I know. OMG I laughed so much while writing this. The sheer amount of foul language was apparently hilarious to me. Even funnier than Asses of Fire xD;<em>

_-an inspired Burbs.))_


	4. Words

**Your Words**

What am I looking for?

I stared at the daunting white paper, blue stripes evenly spaced down the page, a single red line going down the left side, perfectly spaced round holes held together by a metal spiral. Notebook. Three words were written neatly at the top left corner, encased between two of those translucent blue lines: 'I don't know.'.

Well I guess I kind of answered myself there. Except well, that wasn't my answer. Well it was, in a way, but I wasn't going to stop there.

If you're lonely scream out. If you're scared puff out your chest and look at the sky. If you have something to say, say it. It's lying and honesty and it's a contradiction. Everything is a fucking contradiction and frankly, I'd be scared if it was otherwise. Life being exactly what it looks like at face value is drawl and loses meaning. When something doesn't contradict itself at one point or the other you start to wonder about it's integrity. Like if maybe it was a pod person or something.

Because everything has depth, it depends on whether you are willing to look.

I like to look. Find the deep philosophical meaning and say, "I've learned something today." So with a answer as base as 'I don't know' is presented I know I'm lying. I just haven't figured out what it is anymore.

What am I looking for?

The murmured buzz seeps around the classroom, white noise. The clock in the corner ticks from 11:37 AM to 11:38 AM and there's still twenty minutes left for class. Bebe and Wendy are giggling in the back, Cartman is coming up with something evil and will most likely cause others trouble, Stan is trying to concentrate on the assignment only to fail once again and glance behind him towards the giggling girls, Craig is sleeping, Clyde is panicked because he read the clock wrong and thinks he was less then ten minutes to finish our assignment, and Kenny is looking out the window.

It's just our ninth grade classroom, we're all young and stupid.

His pencil was arranged neatly next to the eraser I had let him borrow on the top right corner of his desk. His paper was flipped upside down, his assignment finished, and he was looking out the window. I could only see his back but I knew that he was looking at the sky.

That was the first time it occurred to me that he might be scared.

"If you're scared puff your chest out and look at the sky." He had said that one summer afternoon. It had been so out of left field I only looked at him like he was crazy before I left the comment slip.

But it stuck. It stuck like most things he said, so rare, far, and in between. They were like glistening diamonds that I avidly collected, gently picking them up and storing them safely away. Even if I didn't like some of them, I treasured them and they grew on me.

They became more important then those pretty phrases you hear. Those romantic words you hear a million and one times in books and movies, those universal phrases that always appear to have so much meaning, so much depth. And people take those regurgitated expressions as their life-line, blinding building their life around who said them and what they're are supposed to mean. These however, these were ugly and made no sense, but they meant something. Like I said, they have this depth that makes them fascinating, makes them beautiful, and makes them shine brighter than the rest.

What am I looking for?

It was 11:43 AM now and I felt the silent tug in my stomach, like an incessant child begging for his mothers attention. It was nothing more than a spoiled tug and I felt guilty. I wondered when was the last time Kenny had even eaten. I had eaten only an hour or two ago with a light snack. Why was I starting to feel hungry?

Days when Kenny ate more than a cracker were sporadic. Days when Kenny got to eat a cracker were inconsistent. Dirty tap water and scrap lunches were his daily diet, sometime with the promise of a poptart or maybe a waffle for dinner.

And I'm hungry?

I glanced down on my semi-blank paper and felt the minutes ticking away.

The next thing I knew the bell rang and then it was lunch.

I didn't move.

I can't move.

A gloved hand was placed on my desk in the corner of my vision and the spell was broken. I looked up at blue eyes. They reflected my green. I raised an eyebrow at his presence.

He looked to the side softly, "I heard you screaming."

"If you're lonely scream out." Why do his words echo in my head? Why can't I forget them? Why do they haunt me and ache inside my head, pulsating and refusing to be ignored?

"...maybe I was." and nothing happened.

What am I looking for? Happiness? Knowledge? Food? Love? Answers? Comfort?

None of these rang true and I slumped into my chair offering Kenny my packed lunch. I didn't want to eat. I fell asleep until next period. When I opened his eyes he had been still sitting on my desk, next to my head, and was reading one of his newer porn magazines. Typical Kenny.

I wasn't alone.

What am I looking for?

It was half-way between home and the bus-stop when we both stopped, the fork in the road marking our separate destinations.

"If you have something to say, say it." Echo, echo, echo.

Maybe it was a bit simpler, less complex subjects then happiness or knowledge or comfort.

I was ankle deep in snow as I looked at him. His words harsh and barking, imitating the tone he had originally presented them in.

Well, I'll say it then, "I think I love you."

My voice was clear and pronounced in the afternoon sun. I stood blankly ahead, towards him. I wondered what he was scared of. The need to know more burning at my consciousness. His blue eyes were unreadable.

What am I looking for?


	5. Surprise

**Surprise Surprise  
><strong>

The mellow tune from the ear buds was a false sense of security. I knew this of course because of the hooded blond behind me. But that's beside the point as of the moment. Listening to classical music had become somewhat of a soothing habit whilst working on my homework after the said blond had thrown the first old scratched up CD at me years prior. As a kid(and most probably now as well) he had no taste whatsoever for classical music, so when he had found it stashed in with his own collection he had tried to sell it to anyone he could at first before giving up and offering it to me.

I don't know why he gave it to me then but I had secretly treasured it. It had been the first thing I had ever received from him and even though it was a beat up CD it made me nothing short of ecstatic.

My cheeks felt warm as I thought of why. I brushed it off soon enough but the memory lingered and slightly bothered me as I got stuck at fifty-seven times twelve for longer than two minutes.

It usually took me less than thirty seconds.

That was what he was like: a blip on my radar, always screwing up my train of thought. It really bugs me sometimes.

I trailed off my page as my mind drifted to Bach's Minuet in G Major. Lively and cute. So this whole little classical obsession originated from his thoughtless gift, so what. I was enjoying the music nonetheless. It was easy and soft and pleasant and Stan thought I was a total pussy for liking it. It was easy to put to the back of your head and you could just hum along to its melodies and the fatass called me a fag.

He didn't say much about it though. It kinda unnerved me at the same time it was a comfort.

Much like everything else that he did always made me feel.

I continued my homework holding back a small smile. I don't know why. But I was completely absorbed in the homework that was pre-calculus. It seemed like nothing but review so I sailed through the assignment with ease.

The music on my I-pod was a false sense of security.

So when I noticed his blue eyes from the corner of my vision at the beginning notes of Beethoven's Fifth I was caught completely off guard. I mean, I really hadn't expected to see him there! So it was reasonable that I let out a shrill shriek and tumbled out of my chair.

"Kenny!"

"Oh my god, you should've seen your face! It was hifuckinglarious!" Kenny doubled over on his side from laughter from his squat at the side of my chair.

I could only glare at him between huffs of air as I held my chest; damn thing was beating a mile a minute.

"You… you… you!" Snicker, "that, fuck, that was awesome Kyle." He finally finished his outburst wiping his eyes for tears. He enjoyed that way too much.

Flushed and startled I raised an eyebrow, "You done?"

He grinned, "Not at all." And then I knew he wasn't going to let this go. No, he was going to be an asshole and use this against me.

That bastard.

-

I had been on Kenny guard for the entire day and the very second(I mean seriously, to the exact millisecond) I thought maybe he wasn't going to strike I felt cold air by the corner of my ear and I let out a strangled cry.

Right in front of my locker, in front of Stan(who was trying to hold back some laughter), and in front of a bunch of other classmates that were lucky enough to see my embarrassing moment. I whipped my head around with a probably scandalized expression because when he saw it he could no longer hold back his strangled giggles.

"It's not that funny! Stop it!" I felt kind of like a pansy. A pansy, who listened to classical music, got startled too easy, and then whined about it. Ugh what was Kenny doing to me?

Kenny gave me a mischievous grin, leaned real close to my ear again, and let out a breathy, "No."

I swear to Moses my face was bright red with anger and most definitely not because of the goosebumps running up and down my neck. Infuriating. When he pulled back with a cheshire like grin it was the last straw. I pulled my fist back and whacked him hard against the corner of his head.

"Ow!" And with that I stalked off, shoulders hunched up and stomping onwards.

That didn't necessarily mean the war was over though.

-

Day after day Kenny earned another bruise.

Persistent fucking bastard.

Tickling my sides in the locker rooms made me kick him, clapping my shoulder from behind earned him an elbow, jumping in front of me suddenly in hallway earned an uppercut. Progressively he preformed more and more feats earning him even harder hits.

If I didn't know better, I'd say he was actually enjoying this, like some sort of masochist.

But I knew better, and I knew that Kenny wasn't exactly partial to pain. He kind of strayed away from as many potentially dangerous situations as possible. Kind of why I hit the cautious bastard in the first place(that and anger). But he persisted to find each and every way that he could surprise me, making me go to great feats in order to avoid him.

Unfortunately having the enemy far away gave them easier access to surprise attacks. I didn't know where he was going to pop up or when.

So I decided to change tactics. I would glue myself next to him so it would be impossible for him surprise me in the least.

Kenny looked like I was going to assault him when I stalked up to him after a solid week of ignoring him. I saw his lanky form shrink back slightly at my approach. I think he almost fret himself to death when I didn't do anything, just stood there silently and followed him wherever he went.

It was actually kind of funny. I mean, there was this one point when he started pacing and I just followed after him. Back and forth, back and forth as he tried to pop his own head off by pulling on his hoods strings so hard. Stan had started laughing from his position at the lunch table and the fatass only look at us like we were crazy muttering something about faggy jewrats.

Which I normally would have been all over him for, but that would ruin my fun. So I let the neo-Nazi bastard off that one time. I didn't say a word to Kenny for the remainder of the day. It was hilarious revenge.

I think that's why the next day Kenny decided it really was war. The moment he saw me approach him that morning, he sprinted.

I don't know if I was amused or disappointed. It was funny, his reaction, but a part of me really missed being around the blond(ignoring him for a week and all the shit). I stuck with amused because that didn't mean it was over at all. Not by a long shot.

So he tried desperately to escape my presence and I worked desperately on not getting the shit scared out of me again.

I think I almost jumped him when he had stealthily stolen my hat off my head and ran off down the hall before I could do anything a few days later. I sprinted after him and we had an all out chase around campus. Running through the halls, ducking under small passageways, hiding in storage closets, etc.

When I found him running down by the football field while I was up by the bleachers and I jumped him. Tackling him down using the sheer force from the fall and frustration I pinned him untot the wet grass.

By that time we were both out of breath and under me Kenny sort of had a 'meep!' expression, which in all honesty kind of made me wanna hit him. But instead I took and eye for an eye.

"H-hey! What are you doing!" He struggled feebly as I ripped off his fucking hood.

"Ha! Take that!" I yelled as I snatched my ushanka from his loosened grip. I didn't bother putting it on my head as I was frankly way to tired at the moment. He glared at me with flushed cheeks with his now completely exposed face.

I really liked when I got to see his face. Like when we had to play baseball over the summer or when we went to the pool. They tended to be the highlights of my year. I laughed breathlessly at his expression before he opened his goddamn mouth.

"So that's what your orgasm face would look like." And with that I tried to shove my hat down his throat. Fucking perverted bastard. He laughed/choked/gagged at me which made me let out a low growl. He was so fucking infuriating.

When I finally relented to get off him(because our position was pretty freaking gay), Kenny thought otherwise. Grabbing my collar he pulled me down slamming his face against mine.

Scratch that, slamming his lips against mine.

And then he pushed me back, placed my hat clumsily atop my head, and I gaped like a fish as he got up and ran away. I swear to god he had a bounce to his step.

My mind was still trying to piece together what had just happened.

-

I don't think any of it actually hit me until I saw him the next morning. Prior I had been too dazed to actually catch on to what had happened, all my remaining effort wasted on attempting to ignore the bubbly feeling welling up. So when I saw him the next morning giving me a giant grin, hoodless, it hit me in the face like bricks(which kinda hurt).

Flashbacks from the past two weeks rushed through my head starting from when I had been doing my homework to yesterday afternoon and my face got hotter and hotter. Eventually a single thought resounded through my head like an alarm.

Kenny kissed me.

Can anyone blame me when I took off running, screw school today; Kenny had finally given me the biggest fright. I hung out at Starks Pond until school let out to avoid my mom. I finally crashed on my bed tiredly at the end of the day even though I hadn't actually done much of anything except bother some ducks.

My heart was still giving me a loud, steady, intense, thud, thud, thud. I fell asleep listening to it.

-

I avoided him for the rest of the week(which is hard when he's one of your best friends, but I mastered it the previous week anyway). I freaked out whenever I saw him walking down the halls(why did he have to keep his fucking hood off?), and I even avoided Stan and Cartman most of the time because the three were always fucking hanging out.

I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have been too surprised at their friendly vengeance. It was Friday afternoon and I was looking forward(somewhat glumly) to a Kenny-free weekend. Of course they had other plans.

The resounding click of metal made me freeze. The cold against my skin gave me shivers as I turned around to face a fucking devious looking Cartman, a grinning Stan, and a rather scared Kenny. My face probably mirrored his when I looked down to out hands.

Handcuffs.

"Now you guys aren't going to get out of these until you resolve whatever silly feud you have." Stan said good-naturedly, like he knew exactly what was best for the situation. He didn't even know the fucking situation.

"Yeah, now you guys can have your faggy fucking bromance or whatever." Cartman was probably more on the mark sadly, grinning a malicious fucking storm at me.

I could only stare at them betrayed as Stan clapped our backs with a smile, "Now make up kiddies." And leave alongside the stupid fucking fatass which I'm pretty sure was the one behind this stupid stunt.

I just stood there in front of my locker, my heart beating a mile a minute as my hand was stuck to Kenny's.

Maybe if we tired a saw…?

-

The silence was deafening, as in it was fucking blaring like a car alarm at three in the morning. We just stood there in front of our locker in complete silence. Steadily and all too soon the students flowed out of the school and to their homeward destination.

Kenny and I just stood there. I had no fucking idea what was going through Kenny's head, I couldn't even will myself to look up at him. Instead I focused my eyes on the tile floor. I started tracing it's ugly patterns trying desperately not to feel the cold metal on my wrist and the warmth coming from his head centimeters away from mine.

How the hell did I get here? Handcuffed to him, after he did that. Holy fuck, can he hear my heartbeat?

I started sweating with how much I was thinking, panic rising up from my toes to the tips of my hair. Shit.

And then he let out a long and heavy sigh, I snapped my head up in surprise. He looked... tired. I took a small gulp at his expression. My mind started racing in a different direction: he's angry? Had I made him upset? Does he hate me? I don't want him to hate me. And so on and so forth. etc. etc. etc.

He caught my panicked gaze and a small smile popped out of nowhere. "Let's go." He said softly. My face flushed when I realized it was the first time I'd heard him speak in the past few days. He started walking towards the schools exit, dragging my hand with him.

To say that the walk home was eventful would be a total lie, no matter how much I was thinking and fretting and panicking. We just silently walked home in the snow towards home for fifteen minutes. The whole time I wanted to do nothing more then barrage him with questions, 'why, why, why?', but no matter how manner times I opened my mouth to speak my lungs betrayed me.

He didn't say anything and that just set me off even more. I think I almost had a mental break down, but silently we marched home through the piles of snow. I was completely disorientated and confused when we stopped in front of my front door."Keys." He demanded softly and I think my train of thought just crashed horribly, mangling all the thoughts running about it and turning them into ashes as the train burst up into a fiery inferno.

I can't look away, not from the train, not from his blue eyes.

Wait, wasn't Kenny supposed to go to his place? The silver metal caught my vision and I panicked even more. "You're staying here?" I squeaked out. I couldn't help myself.

He looked at me somewhat skeptically, which was really funny coming from Kenny, and gave me a, "Um, yeah dude, I don't think you want to stay at my place. Last I checked you hated the place."

I kinda wanted to deny that, it felt like he was insinuating that I didn't like his house, but to deny it would be a lie. His house kinda made me feel uncomfortable and I avoided coming over like the plague. Except it wasn't for the reasons he thought. I could deal with the dirtiness and the constant domestic violence and yelling that kept me away when I was a kid. It was more that it was Kenny's place that made me uncomfortable. His room full of porn and his discarded clothes and then his bed. It made me uncomfortable, it's not that I hated it though.

But like hell my mouth was going to let me explain all that to Kenny as I numbly nodded and handed him my house keys.

How was I going to explain this to mom?

Quick-thinking, that's how. The moment mom popped out of the kitchen to say welcome home I tugged Kenny behind me hiding the our cuffed arms out of her sight. In record time I made an almost believable excuse about helping Kenny study this weekend so he's be staying over and all the other bullshit I spewed out to convince my mother. I made up excuse after excuse for every question she had and then I flawlessly with all friendly ease led Kenny up the stairs and into my bedroom.

He turned around with a grin, about to say some sassy comment about me being a 'momma's boy' when I slumped down to the floor my back pressed against the door. They chain clinked slightly as I forced him to bend over slightly. I pressed my face against my knees

My cheeks were on fire.

Why?

Because I'd just been all touchy-feely and friendly a second ago.

Fuck, just touching him now sent my heart into a spastic fit. Fuck. This was not where I thought my weekend would be a one or two hours ago. Fucking stupid ass Kenny. Why the fuck had he done that?

He squatted down next to me after another long awkward silence(I'm really getting sick of those), the tension so thick that I could hear his mouth open. Suddenly I was terrified of whatever he had to say and I spoke quickly before his mouth could even shape the words he wanted.

"Weshoulddoourhomework!" Speaking fast often makes the sentence incomprehensible unfortunately. I wasn't looking at him but I could feel his total mystified expression. Awkwardly I stood up and rushed towards my desk setting my backpack down at it's legs. Of course doing this only caused him to be pulled harshly from his position on the ground to being lunged across the room, falling face-first on my carpet.

Of course the weight of his body pulled me backwards and I landed with a loud thud on his shoulder.

"Ow..."

It was going to take awhile for me to get used to these handcuffs.

-

It was around seven in the evening when I'd already finished my homework and was spending the last hour pretending I still had some left. I hadn't looked up at Kenny since I had started my homework but I could feel his stare. I don't think he's looked away from me the entire time I've been working.

Needless to say, I felt extremely self-conscious.

It was around this moment when I felt his cuffed hand touch mine.

I stopped everything else I was doing, pretending to work, thinking, moving, breathing, everything. I could only feel where his fingers had lightly brushed against mine and stare at the homework in front of me. I felt my face warm up and I had the urge to run away.

I also had the urge to grab his hand and hold on tight.

Once again I could hear his mouth open and before he could say anything I spoke, "L-let's play some music!" I tried not to wince at my stuttering, but the high pitch in my voice made it impossible. Once again I didn't look at him to see his reaction instead reached towards my desk drawer behind me(we had opted to work on the floor because it would have been way too awkward to work at my desk) and pulled out my iPod.

I felt like an idiot when I realized that I had to share the earphones with him. I tried not to look at him as I handed him the ear bud focused on getting the music ready. When he didn't take it I couldn't help myself from looking towards him.

It was the first time I'd looked at him since we'd entered the room. The second my eyes met his I was sort of stunned. He was looking down at my hand, the one offering the ear bud, and his eyes glistened slightly with tears that threatened to spill.

My stomach fell.

Abruptly his blue eyes flicked to my green ones and his face lit up, and he was able to talk before I could cut him off again. "Are you mad at me?" He rambled out desperately.

"I-um." I was at a loss. I didn't know what to say. Fortunately he continued filling the silent room with blessed words. Anything would be better then the awkward silence of the past few hours.

"I mean, you refuse to look at me, you won't let me talk, and-and" His breath hitched and his eyebrows knitted together and I got scared.

He looked like he was about to cry and it was all my fault. I didn't even consider him pussy or anything like I tended to do when Stan cried, I just felt guilty.

"I'm not mad at you!" I exclaimed desperately, I couldn't tear my eyes from him. He looked at me stunned and tears welled up further. I panicked, I really didn't want him to cry.

I didn't want to make him cry. Kenny never cries. I mean, well he did when we were kids(like when Cartman stole all the skin off the KFC), but over and beyond that Kenny was a really tough kid. I could barely remember the last time I saw him this upset.

"I um..." I looked away from him, my heart beating loudly in my chest. What was I supposed to tell him? That I... that I what? Why was I ignoring him? The kiss flashed through my head and my face flushed.

Fuck, I'm so fucking confused right now.

And before I could stop my mouth from running I blurted it out, "You kissed me!" And in my out-burst my fingers slipped and I pressed play on the music.

Beethoven's Fifth added dramatic effect.

Kenny's face was as red as mine felt. He looked trapped. "I um... It was..."

The over-whelming feeling that he was going to apologize made my heart sink and twist and churn. I didn't want him to apologize. What did I want...? I watched as he stumbled over his words looking just as lost as I was and I felt it.

I don't know what I felt but it was kind of like an ache.

Was Kenny making my heart ache? I remembered all those times that Stan had confided in me about the way that Wendy sometimes made him feel. How he always talked about how much he loved her, about how she made his heart throb, how it was almost addicting. I looked back at Kenny and I looked at him.

For the first time since I've been trying to ignore him that I've actually looked at him, study him.

I really wanted to pretend that I was dumber and way denser than I was. To pretend that I hadn't realized it, to not think about how absolutely stunning he was.

To not realize I was absolutely gay for Kenny.

He caught something in my gaze and stopped his sputtering. He looked at me with concern tilting his head to the side. His blond hair, his full face, his eyes, his expression.

I realized how much I loved it all.

And then I was crying. It felt kind of ironic considering I was the one worrying about him crying. It wasn't anything big, my face didn't even contort into any sort of sob. Tears just rolled down my cheeks against my will. I hadn't even noticed I was crying until I saw his expression. I pressed my hand against my cheek, dropping the ear bud in the process, and pulled back when I felt the tears.

"I'm..." I started slow and unsure, holding back a wince as my voice croaked, "I'm going to bed."

And then like I wasn't crying at all I stood up, turned of my lights, and crawled into bed into bed without even changing. Kenny following me and sitting down on the floor next to my bed as I tired not to shake. I tried to stop crying, and to forget what I'd just figured out. This was so amazingly awkward. Kenny just stayed in stunned silence.

-

It was around ten thirty and I still hadn't gotten to sleep. I had stopped crying long ago and was just trying to go to sleep. Unfortunately my mind continued to race with thoughts of Kenny. I couldn't get over how I had just cried like that. My stomach twisted with embarrassment and I just wanted to be as far away from Kenny as I could be.

The cool metal against my wrist reminded me why I couldn't. Every so once in awhile I'd have the sudden urge to beat the living shit out of the fatass and Stan. More the fatass than Stan, but Stan was still going to get hit really fucking hard. Those bastards are the ones that put me in this situation, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have realized it and I would be happily ignoring Kenny.

Not that my thoughts have centered around anything but him for the past few weeks anyway. It's just now I can't fucking run away anymore.

"Fucking damn it!" I yelled suddenly sitting up in my bed. I couldn't take it anymore. If I couldn't run away, I'd face the problem head-on, that's what I've always fucking done anyway.

"Ow! Fuck! Shit!" I heard Kenny yell as he was yanked up suddenly from my outburst. He looked at me in shock. "Dude...? You're still awake?" I realized then that he hadn't been sleeping either.

Fuck it, I'm going straight to the point, "Why did you kiss me?" His surprised face fell to one of panic. "Dude," I said as I grabbed his face with both hands, "just fucking tell me." I wasn't going to be the only one trapped. I'm fucking sick of all this. Fear bottled up in the bottom of my stomach. When did I become such a fucking coward? Well, fuck it, fuck being afraid of whatever he had to say, fuck being afraid.

His eyes looked around the room, looking for some escape, something, anything. Gradually however he gave up. His eyes drooped to my bedsheets as he sighed. He was finally realizing that we weren't going to get out of this.

My stomach clenched as he opened his mouth, "Because..." It all faded out and after a minute or two I thought he wouldn't continue.

Then he looked straight at me, "Because you looked so beautiful back then! I mean like, I was trying to surprise you, I really wasn't going to actually kiss you,I was just trying to scare you a bit, but then I ended up actually kissing you!" He looked at me, eyes piercing and confused.

I looked away from him briefly, my mind still stuck on 'beautiful', "Why... why is your hood still down...?" I muttered almost inaudibly but he still heard me.

"Be-because..." I looked at him, his face flushed as I held it in my hands, "...you took it off."

"Huh?"

"W-well because like, you, um, took it off, and well... because you took it off, I didn't feel like putting it back on." The way he emphasized 'you' made my heart beat faster.

I wanted to say something, I wanted to say anything, but all I could do was stare at him. After awhile I dropped my hands from his face and scooted slightly over in my bed. "Do you..." I hesitated, "Do you want to sleep up here...?" I patted the spot next to me, "I mean it would be easier on our wrists if we were... closer..."

I looked away from him again before he could give me a response.

He crawled in next to me, curled on his side next to me. my heart beat faster. I closed my eyes as I got into a position parallel to him.

When I opened them again, he was staring right at me. My face flushed brighter. "I can't sleep."

I gulped nervously, "M-me, neither."

Silence. Looking at his eyes.

"I..." I started, "I liked it."

He looked at me with a lost expression. I swallowed again.

"...the, the um," my face fading off, "kiss." inaudible.

His eyes went wide, shining in the moonlight. His mouth opened slightly and I looked to my side nervously.

Biting my bottom lip I decided to take a risk. With a swift movement I leaned forward and I pecked his lips.

And then I turned around and faced my wall. Had I really just done that? Fuck. I just did. Why the fuck did I just do that? Now I'm never going to get to sleep. Shit, shit, shit.

And then I felt his cuffed hand touched mine, warm as he hesitantly touched mine and eventually grasped my hand firmly in his.

"Why..." His voice was unsure, but it made my heart beat faster, "Why did you kiss me...?"

"Because I think I love you." It all came out before I could stop myself.

"What?" He asked, voice incredulous. I turned to face up again.

"I said, 'because I think I love you'." My eyes narrowed as my lips became a firm line. My face was red and I think it's been for the past few hours. When he continued to look at me like I had just spoken a foreign language I grabbed our cuffed hands with my free one and placed them against my chest. "Whenever I'm around you, my heart won't stop going like this."

The dull thud, thud, thud made my eyes close as I pressed his hands firmly to my chest.

And then he was kissing me. And it wasn't like the last two times where our lips just touched. He was kissing me. He was kissing me. And once again, he was kissing me. It was passionate and simple. After a few seconds I just relaxed into the kiss.

It was amazing and any other synonym I could thing of for awesome as well(which was a lot). I didn't think my heart could beat more painfully and fast as before but it proved me wrong. Everything was spinning as I felt the pressure of his lips against mine.

I didn't want him to pull away even if I did need air.

"I think I love you too." He whispered softly. He had a small smile on his lips and I couldn't help from letting out a muffled laugh. 

* * *

><p><em>((Ending Notes: Random, I know. This ended up being way longer then I originally intended and it had no cohesive bow tying it all together. All I can say it's pure fluff and whatever came to my mind.<em>

_-a disturbed Burbs.))_


	6. Abstract

**Scratched CD's**

All the lies of the past seven years accumulated and overfilled a forever half empty cup. Nothing and everything and lies of desperation aren't true and my word vomit is contagious.

It bled.

Aching and sobbing and futile attempts were consumed by the night. Digressing thoughts webbed through my brain and wrinkles and creases stained a bright peach forehead. Rouge bangs framing under a perfectly concealed hat.

Green and orange are not complimentary colors...

Digress.

I thought - that I only needed your hand to hold; your lies and bitters little smiles were sufficient enough. Even though it felt like being stabbed- you stabbed me- I bit back feelings and broken eyes. I needed more though. Thoughts proved to be wrong as life escalates and tortures your and my immortal souls.

Crushed would be your expression. A crashing shatter and everything in the world seemed to stop, my feeling for you overpowering.

_Hopeless_. What could I do?

I wanted to reach out. I wanted to scream your name and yell at you. I wanted you to never leave. I stood with stoic eyes.

My feelings never quite reach my face and I think that's what you hate the most about me.

You stand on a pedestal and that's what I love about you.

Death shatters everything again, would you still smile for me.

Digress.

I love you. I wish you were the last thing I saw every time I closed my eyes. I forlornly dream of you chasing me back from the depths of hell.

With this bottle of intoxication and rip you away from me. That's a lie. You've already burrowed inside my heart to never let go. You're already a part of my heart, there's no way to rid you from my eyes any longer.

With this hood I wish you could destroy all my security, leaving nothing but you.

With this gloved hand you walked away, dragging a part with me as you ran. I feel empty and full of thoughts of nothing but you, you contaminate the rest of my life.

I didn't see you for a year after that and when I did you eyes were never smiling. This time I did reach and I screamed your name.

Desperate truth received by deaf ears and a extinguishable dreams.

I liked it better when you simply lied. I don't exist in your mind any second more. You don't care.

Rats are biting my toes when you visit my room. Everythings exactly the same but everything will always change. Your words are like icicles and impale me with every syllable. What was I even aiming for. Crashing and shattering and burning you leave me broken.

Life plays on repeat twice and I'm a caged bird in bars I locked myself.

No matter how hard I try I'm a scratched CD, nothing but a coaster, nothing but something people use to protect themselves with and lie abandoned broken after they've been used.

I ripped of my coat. I glared at you, for the first time I glared at you, for the first time I showed you my feelings directly. With new found clarity I could see brown-freckled eyes widened. I could hear your breath in stereo and I'll never forget that single truth you told me. Like staples in the eye each and I every word I produced stung.

For the first time I walked away.

The substantial effect you have on my life. The nonexistent one I have on yours.

Was there in hope in my possession from the beginning.

Always and forever.

Love for you.

I don't understand.

It bled.

Between my heart was your fingers.

* * *

><p><em>((Ending Notes: kinda random, interpret it however you want x3;; (if ya come up with anything interesting tell meh XD) this was a bit of a K2-fart thing… (does that makes sense?)<em>

_-you can't blame me for being confusing I'm sick mwahaha.))_


End file.
